Approaches to discipline:What helps children grow to their full potential?
A child 'misbehaves' by throwing the books all over the floor.....Seeing this how do parents react? consider the following scenarios :
Control or punishment / Power over approach
Parent says: "How many times have I told you not to do that?! Pick up those books right now and go sit in that corner!"
Child feels defensive by the control exerted by the parent and ends up putting the books back reluctantly/ angrily while actually having no desire to cooperate. In all probability will repeat this behaviour.
Collaboration and nurturing /Power with approach
Parent observes the child seems frustrated about some issue. After regulating her/his own emotion, the parent goes over to see what the child might be going through.
" Looks like you are upset about something?"
Once the child is calmed by parents reassuring presence, the child might share what's bothering him.
The parent listens, then uses gentle loving guidance to set limits.
"I hear how hassled you are. And we do not throw books in this family. It's important we treat books well. So could you put them back?"
This makes the Child feels heard, understood, and is able to internalise the value behind the limit or rule expressed and grows to be self disciplined. Also , the connection between parent and child is sustained and strengthened.
When we parents stop using shame and use connection to show our children the way, we will discover that they thrive under this manner of coaching. As peaceful parents we are raising children who respond to consideration and grow up with an inner sense of responsibility.
How do we move away from using authority, reward and punishment to help children manage their behaviour?
Is it a possibility to raise children without fear or shame?
What parental actions help build self discipline in a child ?
Brain fact- when children are threatened or yelled at their brains go into fight or flight. The brain seeks safety . They are flooded with emotion and hence unable to process the messages we are giving.
Our special guest on the show was a teacher from The School, KFI - a school based on the philosophy of J.Krishnamurthi. The school, does not believe in the use of reward or punishment as tools of discipline. He shared his experiences of disciplining children without the use of power or coercion.
This show was aired on 104.8 FM on Wednesday, 3rd February 2016